Do you need proof that cats are secretly the rulers of the world?
Don’t look at their seriously dismissive looks you get in your direction, or their magical ability to always land on their feet. Just look at all the completely ridiculous things they’re allowed to do that we, us humans, are unable to copy.
Let’s look at just who’s really on top here. Look at all the sh*t we let our cats get away with. They’re completely in charge. We are totally powerless. And so we, bow down to our rulers, the cats.
As evidence of this undeniable truth, here are a whopping 27 things they can get away with that we definitely aren’t allowed to do.
1. Casually sitting on someone’s laptop when they’re trying to work.
2. Headbutting people to show affection.
3. Begging for affection and then immediately viciously clawing people when they give it.
4. Pooping in a box and forcing someone else clean it up for us.
5. Skipping the delicious tap and bottled water you’re offered so that you may drink dirty puddle water instead.
6. Frantically running up and down the stairs for an hour at around 3pm every day.
7. Giving people dead mice and even bugs as a way to show your love.
8. Coughing up hairballs and then simply leaving them on the floor.
9. Ignoring thoughtful presents but getting totally excited about the boxes instead.
10. Playing with tiny sticks that have feathers attached!
11. Getting high on handfuls of catnip and rolling around on the carpet
12. Licking to clean yourself!
13. Licking to clean your friends!
14. Purring to show you approve of something.
15. Napping for about 80% of the day or more.
16. Waiting by doors and making disturbingly loud noises until someone lets you outside.
17. And then refusing to go outside.
18. Rolling over on your back to demand people rub your tummy
AKA my go-to first date move.
19. Tapping at just about anything resting on a surface so it crashes to the ground.
20. Incessantly demanding that someone delivers food into a bowl for you every day, and loudly complaining when they’re a few minutes late.
21. Adorably sitting on someone to make it impossible for them to get up and get on with their day.
22. Following your friends into the bathroom to watch them pee or take a bath.
23. Constantly invading people’s sense of personal space and privacy!
24. Kneading people with your paws just to show how much you adore them.
25. Carefully finding warm places all around the house to pee
Like behind the TV, or under the sofa.
26. Remaining blissfully and completely unaware of all of life’s various responsibilities and injustices.
27. And of course, unrolling all of the toilet paper for the fun of it!
But we’ll never know the true joy of doing any of these things, of course, because we’re not allowed!!!